Wednesday

Fisheye Lens and Chapter 7


A late cold snap has come today but the early tender green is everywhere. And rain, which softens everything including me. Strange but I feel protected by rain, always have. I was headed to the studio today but on the way decided that I did not have any kind of studio ambition. Stopped at the bridge instead and took some pictures. Trying to figure out the fisheye lens. Which is proving as elusive as a fish. A spotted brown trout. The camera is too small for it I think. The lens is so large it actually blocks the viewfinder leaving me with a very small and dark LCD moniter to compose in. What I've been doing is shooting without really knowing what it is I have then bringing them back to the house to download the images. Once on the computer I can see the image. Quite the way to go about it. Shooting blind, is this a metaphor for my life?

It is said Monet painted when blind at the end of his life. I always understood that he could do this as he had had years of knowing and seeing what oil to brush to canvas would bring. We go on with the work, it seems, regardless of circumstance.

I certainly am. Everything reasonable points to the idea of leaving the studio and surrendering the work. After all I have done some good painting. Work that has been more than I could have hoped for. And at this point so many possibilities of showing work have lead nowhere. The emotional strain is taking a toll. But then I'm far from the only one tolled upon these strange days. Maybe the old Chinese curse 'may you live in interesting times' is at work here.

The dross of our financial world has me tied to the proverbial track. I went to a bankruptcy lawyer yesterday and was advised that Chapter 7 might be just the thing for me. We'll see. To reduce the debt in any amount would be a tremendous relief. Of course.